I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.\u00a0 I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.\u00a0 I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.\u00a0 Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.<\/p>\n
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.\u00a0 I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.<\/p>\n
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.\u00a0 I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.\u00a0 When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.\u00a0 I enjoy urban hang gliding.\u00a0 On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.<\/p>\n
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.\u00a0 Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.\u00a0 I don’t perspire.\u00a0 I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.\u00a0 I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes.\u00a0 Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.\u00a0 I bat .400.\u00a0 My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.\u00a0 Children trust me.<\/p>\n
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.\u00a0 I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.\u00a0 I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.\u00a0 I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.\u00a0 I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.\u00a0 While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.\u00a0 The laws of physics do not apply to me.<\/p>\n
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.\u00a0 On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.\u00a0 Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.\u00a0 I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.\u00a0 I breed prizewinning clams.\u00a0 I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.\u00a0 I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.\u00a0 I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.\u00a0 I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.\u00a0 Occasionally, I tread water for three […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":263,"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2\/revisions\/263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/knk.codlin.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}