Kay -N- Kay

So Kristin and I are currently arguing about whether or not to turn on the air conditioning.  Thus far it’s only been light hearted jabs and I’ve held my mouth in check despite the sweat glistening on my brow some evenings.  Today, she called me up:

Kristin – “How hot is it supposed to be today?”

Me – “85 degrees”

Kristin – “Hmph”  Quiet pause.  “I guess that’s hot enough for the air conditioning.”

Me – I resist the urge to equate this epiphany to others things just as obvious.

Kristin – “What’s the temperature supposed to be like over the weekend.”

Me – “Hot.  Damn hot.  Mid 70s and then high 70s to low 80s.”  Then the suspician creeps in.  “Why?”

Kristin – “Cause it seems like such a waste to turn on the air for just a single night if we’re just going to turn it off for the rest of the weekend.”

Now that got me thinking… if only there were some device, some technological creation pushing the boundaries of imagination so as to seem near magical in the breadth of it’s use, that could control our heating and air conditioning.  Now I’m going to get a little crazy here with my musings, but try to stay with me…

I’m thinking this… we hook our furnace up to this device, this invention, this marvel of the 21st century.  Now I’m just thinking out loud here, but what if this thing was able to control when heat or air conditioning was needed and then… then my dear friends and readers, then this mythical icon of our era could DETECT whether or not more heat was needed OR if more air conditioning was needed, and it could turn on and off our furnace… AUTO-MAGICALLY!!!!!!!

Wow, wouldn’t that be something?  A device that would only push out air conditioning when it was needed and then turn it off so as to not waste money when it was not needed?  I mean, imagine that?!!?!?!  No more fighting with the Temperature Nazis who demand in name of the all mighty electric bill that we constantly turn off the air when it’s not needed.  This one device as I envision it would maintain the temperature of your house at a pristine range of your own choosing.

This could really be something…

All I need now is a name… some combination of Latin words, like Thermo for heat and then something that means to stabilize or make constant…

Those of you who know me, know I utter this phrase somewhat regularly.  Most often when I am driving in the car, maneuvering through the throngs of inhumanity.  Today, I’m not sure if the person I hate more is the audacious ariline passenger or myself.

I spent probably 20 to 30 visits to Northwest’s web site, adeptly maneuvering my seating assignment for the lengthy trip I had to fly.  Starting with a middle seat at the back of the airplane, I worked my up through successive visits closer to the front, then a window seat, finally arriving at me destination… a precious aisle seat just behind the exit row.

All was good, until I walked up to my seat to find this stranger sitting in my seat, looking up at me… expectantly… hopefully.  He and his ugly wife, girlfriend, or whatever seated next him, stumbled over each other to talk at once.  I don’t know exactly what came out of their stupid mouths, but it amounted to asking me to switch seats with him, so they could sit together.

Here is where I hate myself… caught off guard, wanting to be friendly, I agreed.  I half-knew that I was consigning myself to a middle seat, but it didn’t fully register until my own stupid mouth had already agreed.

What I should have said was, “Are you serious?  You want me to give you my aisle seat for your middle seat?  Really?  Next to the 400 lbs woman right there who is spilling over the arm rest and who will force me to sit with arm at a 45 degree angle across my body for the next 4 hours?  Just so you two can sit together?  You really can’t be separated by the 8 feet distance that exists between her seat and your own assigned seat?”

Yeah, that would’ve been grand.

I hate people.

I know this is going to come as a complete shock to all of you, but yes, it’s official… Detroit Sucks.

#1 – America’s Most And Least Popular Cities

“Of course, current economic conditions also play a role. It’s no surprise that 90% of those surveyed don’t want to live in Detroit, which ranked lowest out of 30 cities. It’s got a 9.5% unemployment rate and a murder rate 5.16 times higher than the national average.”

Does anyone find these figures surprising?  Honestly, I’m more amazed that 10% of America would actually consider living in Detroit.

#2 – America’s Emptiest Cities

“Detroit and Las Vegas are among the worst offenders by both measures–the Motor City sports vacancy rates of 19.9% for rentals and 4% for homes”

“But starting in the 1960s, Detroit began a precipitous decline. Detroit’s population is now 900,000–half what it was in the middle of the century–and many of its neighborhoods languish in varying states of decay.”

Detroit is losing population faster than the Lions lose football games… “a murder rate 5.16 times higher than the national average”… hmm…there’s a connection here, I can just feel it.

#7 – America’s Most Miserable Cities

“The Motor City benefited from our revised criteria this year (we added sales tax and sports teams in addition to corruption).”

Evidently Forbes hasn’t been watching the Lions for the last 50 years, or even the last year where they went 0 – 16… a feat previously thought about a 100 times less likely than a team going 16 – 0.  But evidently hockey is every bit as important and popular as football, right?  O.o

“Yet after more than half a century, countless scholars, politicians, community organizers developers and nonprofit workers have been unable to come up with a solution to fix Detroit.”

Oh really?  Has anyone suggested that perhaps Detroit should stop re-electing politicians who’ve been caught red-handed and shown on TV to be stealing the public’s money?  Maybe the big 3 could stop developing new cars that Toyota and Honda have had on dealer lots for the past 10 years?  Or wait… this may be a radical idea, but let me take a “stab” at it… How about Detroiters stop KILLING each other?!?!

And by the way, our house is still up for sale if anyone’s interested.