Archive for April, 2009
I Now Understand Twitter
Previously, I thought the Internet was all about porn. Without porn, the Internet clearly had no purpose. But then all these so-called “social networking sites” started showing up. MySpace… Facebook… and because it’s clearly far too much effort to use Facebook, evidently Twitter was born.
But I always doubted that these types of things were ever really used for anything, except porn. I mean come on… Twitter’s slogan is “What are you doing?” Umm… I’m on the Internet. Duh? Downloading porn. I mean what else would I be doing?
But now I understand. This man and his customized office chair, have shown me the light!
Man Builds Chair That Tweets His Farts, Single-Handedly Justifies Twitter’s Existence
The Proof is in the Fridge
Kristin and Bran are having an adventure down in Arizona this week. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go with them, but they are having a good time so far, even despite “The Great Paul Family Ham Stand Off of ’09”. I may be able to get Kristin to post that saga when she gets back. 
Bran had a crisis of faith this year about the Easter bunny, compounded by Kristin waffling with her “Well, what do you think?” answer when asked if there truly was an altruistic seasonal hare who harbors in spring through the ritualistic decoration of avian embryos by children and subsequently hiding their handiwork for suspiciously unknown intentions. He was pretty sure this Easter Bunny character was real, but his child-radar was picking up that while Mommy was seemingly allaying his doubts, she would not actually outright validate the existence and proclaim all doubters as heretics to be immediately stoned and posthumously drug through the streets. Something was possibly amiss and clearly needed to be investigated further…
On Easter morning he woke up bright and early and unbeknown to his still sleepy mother, had hatched a plan to clear up this Easter Bunny business once and for all. The night before, they had performed the ritual of properly coloring each egg in the house according to unwritten edicts of ages past and stored the talismans within the refrigerator. Therein lay his proof.
Moments after opening his eyes, Bran made a beeline for the fridge and mother’s intuition prompted Kristin to ask what he was doing. “Oh, I’m just going to check on the eggs.” he replied.
Misunderstanding, Kristin said, “Hunny, we’re not doing the Easter Egg Hunt yet, remember how we talked about doing it this afternoon?”
“Oh, I know.” he replied. “I’m just going to check the refrigerator to see if the Easter Bunny picked up our eggs.”
The truth of the situation struck Kristin like a thunderbolt from on high. If the eggs were still there then clearly the Easter Bunny would not have been able to get the eggs prior to them being hidden in the afternoon. The crafty runt had out foxed her! She needed a diversion…
“Ok dear, well why don’t you go use the potty first.” It was a stretch… but it might buy her about 30 seconds.
Off he went and Kristin sprinted to the kitchen. With only seconds to spare, she grabbed the tray of eggs, whipped it out of the fridge and cleverly covered them with an ordinary looking kitchen towel.
No sooner had she successfully disguised the tray of eggs as a large lump of something clearly being hidden underneath a towel when Bran returned. He opened the door to the refrigerator which was now cleared of the damning evidence and turned wide-eyed and victorious to his mother. “He IS real, Mommy!”